once lost, but now found
I said “I will be back.” But I honestly don’t know why it took this long for me to pick up my laptop and just start writing. How did I even lost connection with something very dear to me? I still don’t know.
Hello, my old pal. I am here now… I am back. And I must admit, I missed you so much.
Lord knows how much I valued writing and reading ever since. I found such joy and satisfaction just being in my room with a book or my laptop. I would just get lost in the land of words and stories the books had to offer me, and honestly, I did not complain at all. I enjoyed it and treasured it so much. After reading for hours, I would just sit and just write because that’s when inspiration and imagination runs for me.
But of course, as I age, I lost touch with my friend. The companion I had for years suddenly became a stranger to me. My priorities and responsibilities took over me and had no time to just be one with myself and my thoughts. My journals that carried a lot of ideas and inspirations were just put aside in a shelf and was a home for some dust in months. They were nowhere to be seen when they use to live right on my desk near my pens so I could easily access them.
So I thought, did I outgrow a hobby that I had so much passion and love for? Did my love for writing and reading just really fade away? I moved away for college and little did I know, I forgot to carry my pals in life.
Don’t get me wrong, I tried. I tried to rekindle with my writings, but I find that time was one of the biggest hindrance I had with it. I had no time to just sit and write because my priorities consisted of studying and my social life. I blamed time so easily because I disconnected with my old friend.
I also thought I was just having this “writer’s block” phase. At one point I told myself, “just give yourself time, you will soon be back with your writings.” I thought after a week of two I will find myself writing again, but no.
As time flies, I realized my excuses were just piling up. I always find a reason not to write. Writing and reading were my last priority now. I found no importance in it anymore.
As someone who took so much pride in their writing, I suddenly became so scared and nervous in writing again. I was scared of writing that it became like a stranger to me. How was it so easy for me not to take pride in my work anymore? How did I lose touch with this?
My anxiety and fear ate me up that it got the best of me. I was in a cycle that I could not break because of my fear, doubts, and anxiety. I let these demons bring me down and take away the most important thing to me.
I came across my old journals. Read it and skimmed through it. I saw myself having this big ass smile and I felt as if I am catching up with my old childhood best friend. And you know what I realized? I missed this.
I miss writing my feelings away, writing about almost everything. When I feel happy, I write. When I feel sad, I write. It was an outlet for me that no one was ever able to offer me.
Forget all my excuses and fear. I know in myself I have to go back to square one with my writing and reading, but who cares. I won’t let these negativity and distractions win this game anymore.
Rekindling with my old companion will not be an overnight fix, but I hope for you all to be patient with me and guide me through this path again. I am back and I am finally ready to earn the relationship I had with my old friend and I hope you are all with me in this journey.
“Writing is a never-ending learning experience. Imagination and inspiration from your writings should come from your passionate heart. There’s no limitations in expressing your words. Fall in love with it and see what it has entailed for you.” -PRL
