this time, her heart is fierce

After the pain, the tears, the fear, and everything in between, I am finally here.

I am finally home.

And this time, with a fierce heart.

I’ve wandered for too long, that I took a detour away from what I love. I reckoned that my destination is where I will find my heart. During the journey, I had experiences that challenged me as a person and taught me lessons.

My accomplishments and achievements [school, work, and growth as a person] felt like it was just temporary happiness – I was proud and happy, but only for a certain time. It was not permanent.

I thought I knew who I was as a person. I was so confident, but I felt like I was so worthless. I was happy, but my heart was crying inside. I was smiling, but I was hurting. I loved unconditionally, yet it was never reciprocated back to me how I wanted it to. I was empowered, yet there was no power in me. I lead with my heart and followed a way that I will feel satisfied, but it did not suffice.

That was my biggest mistake. I lead with my heart knowing my heart was missing. I followed my heart and lead me in a dark room without knowing where the light switch was – and of course, I would step on things that will hurt me, because there was no light. No wonder I was empty and felt like I was alone – because I did not even leave the door open for anyone, not even Him.

But God works wonders. When I unlocked the door and opened it, He instantly turned on the light. For the longest time, I was living in fear – that I have failed Him so many times that I was not even worthy and deserving of His love. But again, God works wonders. 

“I have chosen you a long time ago and I will choose you again.” 

He has always chosen me. He has always been there for me and never left, but I looked away. I distracted myself into things that may lead back to Him – where my heart truly lives. So I finally said ‘yes’ to Him. I chose to come back home in His arms where only tears of joy, kind embrace, and grace that covers every sin satisfies my wandered heart.

The best thing about all this is that He forgives and His love conquers all. Let Him love you the way you should be loved. Let Him pursue you the way you should be pursued. Let Him change your heart. Let Him in [ I can’t stress how many times I break down in tears just because I feel His love].

So how did I have a fierce heart you ask, my friend? 

Because I have His word in my heart: “I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You” (Psalm 119:11).

And when my heart tries to take control wanting to be the leader again, I recognize that He controls my heart. He is stronger than my heart: “For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and He knows everything” (1 John 3:20).

Trust your heart to the Best Heart Surgeon you can ever find: “In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence” (Psalm 14:26).